Category: Romance, Rocketshippy in the extreme! (you have been warned...) Disclaimer: I don’t own Jessie or James, unless you count all of the merchandise set up on the alter on my dresser. *sits on the floor with her knees together and her feet sticking out at odd, turned in angels* "Oh pleeeeeze won’t somebody give me feedback?" a_rose_4_james@hotmail.com
I sit and watch my partner as she paces back and forth across our camp, not noticing when her sandals crush the pink fabric of her sleeping bag. Her deep blue eyes are narrowed and her lips are pressed tight together. My partner! God, I love being able to call her that. Her perfectly styled hair is starting to come down in wisps. A long strand clings to her cheek. She’s taken off her makeup and earrings and is wearing an old pair of shorts and a wrinkled pink tank top. It only makes her more beautiful. I feel a warm contentment knowing that I’m the only guy who gets to see her this way. Of course, when she looks ready to rip something apart would probably not be the best time to tell her this. We haven’t been partners for this long without my learning something, though. I know what to do in a situation like this. Shut up and stay out of the way. I know this, but a can’t just sit here while she turns herself into a nervous wreck, can I?
There’s something comforting in the feel of my feet stamping against already hard-packed earth of our camp. Not enough to really make me feel better, of course. But it sort of helps. I can feel James’ eyes on me. He’s worried about me. Which would be great, if he had a clue about *why* I’m upset. Him. This inner tension is really starting to get to me. When you spend every moment of your life with someone, you really get attuned to what they’re doing. Or what they’re not doing. This is definitely the latter. Every time he moves toward me, I hope that he’ll do something. Like touch me or take me in his arms or maybe even... kiss me. I have never been kissed. Back at Pokémon Tech, while the other kids were playing little flirty game and stealing kisses behind the bushes, I was left alone. Outside. That weird girl, Jessie. Strange. Stupid. I couldn’t stand the loneliness, so I told myself it didn’t exist. That I didn’t need anyone. I built walls so high I couldn’t even see people anymore. If anyone tried to get near me, anyone so much as spoke to me, I attacked. Violence was easy, connection hurt too much. Then I met James. I’d actually heard about him for quite a while before I met him. He was the reason the other tech students were finally letting up on me. They found him just a bit... *too* sensitive. And they weren’t thrilled about his cross-dressing tendencies, either. I finally asked him about that, long after I’d gotten so used to it that it was just another part of my life. Our life. It was so simple. So sad. So exactly like him. I knew he hadn’t had a happy childhood. How could I not, after meeting his parents and that *creature* they wanted him to marry? I hadn’t realized that it had left him with this desperate desire to change himself. And still, when he told me, I had to bite my lip to keep back those terrible words, telling him not to be such an impressionable baby. I had to keep myself from hurting him even more. He’s my best friend- no, he’s more than that, even if he doesn’t know it, and I still can’t stop lashing out. I’ve been fighting for too long. When did I first realize I loved him? The question is almost immaterial. We were soul mates the day we met. Stupid Jessie. Stupid James. The teasing didn’t stop, it just didn’t seem as important when I was with him. Anyway, I couldn’t say when I found out. It was more gradual then that. Friendship. Attraction. Love. And he’s still back on friends. Okay, so I’m probably not helping any. What I wish is that he’d figure it out. Because I just don’t know how I can tell him. Whenever I want him, I end up pushing him farther away. I hear him stand up and take a tentative step towards me. Instantly, I freeze up, stomach fluttering. Maybe, this time... But he stays where he is, swaying from foot to foot, unsure. "Erm... Jessie? Jess, you’re taking this too hard. We can try again tomorrow. We’re Team Rocket, we *have* to win eventually." I can’t believe this. He thinks I’m still upset about the twerps. How can I believe that he’s perfect for me when he doesn’t even know what I’m feeling right now? "Shut up, James." "But- Jessie- I’ve got a new plan-" "Your plans never work!" I shout, spinning around and backhanding him. "You’re such an idiot! Get out of my sight!" He stares at me with those deep green eyes and I can feel my hear melting. He looks shocked, surprised and crestfallen. His shoulders hunch. I’ve gone too far, and I know it. "All- Alright Jess." He says quietly. And without looking at me, goes to retrieve his sleeping bag. What have I done? Oh god, I didn’t mean to do it. I’ve just told him to leave. How could I? I want to run after him, throw my arms around him and tell him that I didn’t mean it. And I... can’t.
I must have done something terrible. She’s never told me to go away before. We’ve been together every second of our lives for so long, even walking out of sight is painful. I wish I knew what I’d done. When I can’t see our camp any more, I drop the sleeping bag and fall onto it. I can feel hot tears behind my eyes. I must be such a burden to her. I’m such an idiot, so totally dependant on her. Whining, clinging, never an original thought. No wonder she wants me gone. She must know how much I love her. But it’s just as obvious that she doesn’t love me. No wonder, my perfect, beautiful partner. You could have anybody you wanted. And why would you want me? I close my eyes to keep the tears in. I should go to sleep. Maybe in the morning, if I apologize, she’ll take me back Maybe... But how can I sleep when I know that I won’t be able look over and see her face the moment I wake up? So I just lie here on my stomach, wondering what to do. I can feel my eyelids sinking. Maybe oblivion is best, after all...
I sit next to the fire, staring at the place where his sleeping bag should be. Meowth is asleep, little cat sounds come from his side of the camp. And I can’t sleep. To tell the truth, I don’t even have the heart to crawl into my sleeping bag. James. Why doesn’t he come back and apologize to me so that everything can be back to normal? But I know why. Because this is my fault. I have to go find *him*. It isn’t exactly hard. He was dragging a sleeping bag behind him. He’s asleep when I arrive. So innocent looking that I can’t help myself. I sink to the ground next to him. He’s still dressed, lying on top of his sleeping bag. It makes his skin look pale, and his cheeks warm and flushed. I reach out to touch his face. My fingers slide up his cheek and push the beautiful stray piece of hair out of his eyes. It feels even better than I’ve always imagined it would. Soft and smooth. He murmurs and his eyelids flicker. For a moment I freeze, and it’s all I can do not to snatch my hand away. No. I have to show him. I force my fingers to continue back down, tracing the line of his chin. He opens his eyes and blinks, then stares and scrambles into a sitting position. "Jessie, wha-" "No," I tell him. "This time I talk." He’s watching me with wide, puzzled eyes. Fighting two contradictory urges- to give up the battle and just kiss him or to run away from this whole crazy situation- I continue. "James, I... This evening. I was- I was wrong. I should have listened to you. You’re not stupid, James." "Yes, I-" "No you’re not," "I may never manage to get this far again. I have to hurry on. "You’re the greatest- you’re the most wonderful, sensitive, *perfect* person I know. And I love you." And he’s not saying anything. I just sit there, facing hum. I can feel myself starting to blush, and I have to look away. How could I have said that? He only thinks of me as a friend. I’ve spoiled everything. But suddenly, he reaches out and touches my cheek with his fingertips. "Jessie, I- you do?" I can’t swallow. It’s hard to move my lips. "Yes," I whisper. He pulls back, and my heart sinks. "But I thought you hated me." "How could I hate my best friend?" As long as I’ve gotten this out, I might as well keep going. It doesn’t matter what he thinks, one more thing isn’t going to change it. "You’re everything to me." He pauses. "Oh." There is a silence so long I just want to crawl away and hide under something. And then cry for the rest of my life. Then he leans forward and pulls me into his arms. I cant believe it, just let him hold me close and rest his cheek against the top of my head. I realize that he’s kissing my hair, and an electric shiver runs through me. He loosens his grip so he can look at me. "Are you alright?" Am I alright? My brain isn’t functioning anymore. I can’t think. "I don’t know." He leans forward again and bends down so he can whisper in my ear. "I love you, too." I can’t believe this is actually happening. With all the times I’ve dreamed he’d say that, I never totally believed that he would. And I’m scared, terrified. I’m sure that he can feel me shaking. But I don’t want him to let me go. I reach up and put my arm around his neck.
I have no idea how this happened, and I don’t care. Jessie loves me. She just said she loves me. For the first time in my life, everything is the way I want it to be. She’s a goddess, and she loves me. I’ve got her in my arms right now. For a long time we just sit there. Together. Then something occurs to me. "Jessie?" She murmurs something I can’t catch into my shoulder and runs her fingers through my hair. "May I kiss you?" She lifts her head, blue eyes wide. "I.... I.... yes." And suddenly she smiles the most beautiful smile I’ve ever seen. "Yes!" I lean tip her chin up with one finger, and our mouths are touching. And then more. Tasting. I can feel her heart beating against mine. She loves me. I’m a dependant idiot, and it doesn’t matter. She loves me.
His kiss takes away all my nervousness. There is nothing but him, He loves me. I’m a violent, frightened girl, and it doesn’t matter. He loves me.
